The other day someone told me I had an anxiety problem and I wanted to yell in my defense that LP has induced it and I was perfectly normal before arriving here. Even one day in language class the subject of worry came up and i said that I worried a lot. My teacher (who is a Christian) said, “You know Jesus says not to worry.” No arguing with that.
I myself have realized there is something unhealthy in obsessing over what people think about me, micro-analyzing my job performance till I’ve convinced myself my superiors must hate me, keeping myself up at night worried about this, that, or the other. In the land known for its relaxed atmosphere I can’t seem to relax. My top priority is to take things slower and less seriously. But the challenge is to do this while still being disciplined in developing myself professionally and organized in executing my job. Everything’s new and I want to do everything well, personally and professionally.
There are several things I do that feel effortless and/or fun and provide some temporary relief to my racing thoughts and constant calculations.
1) Language class: Though having a class size of one could easily be high stress I just love it. Not stressful, fun!
2) Reading: I finished 3 books this weekend (in English) and several short stories (in Chinese).
3) Dancing: I got to language class early today, went to my huge empty classroom, put in my headphones and danced around to Taio Cruz’s ‘Break Your Heart’
4) Watching it rain
I know it must seem like life is horrible here the way I talk about it, but its not. There’s just a problem in the way I talk about it. I’m making friends, my work is fulfilling, LP is a beautiful town to live in, I spend more time smiling and laughing than sad and crying, I’m eating well, I have gotten positive feedback from my bosses on my work, I haven’t been mugged or sent to the hospital, and I’m looknig forward to seeing what these two years will bring professionally and personally.
My next update will hopefully be on my own computer and will be about the language.
I miss you all dearly!!